An Unlikely Matrix: Rosie in Megan’s Role & What’s Wrong With It

Megan Fox getting fired from her role as Witwicky’s girlfriend in Transformers was a very popular media happening. As much as everyone loved the bang Fox made in the first installment of the series, by the sequel, Fox’s character was highly anticipated to return. She was the only hot factor for miles in Transformers. I mean really. The rest was all good robots, bad robots and Shia LaBeouf- who might’ve had hot moments in other movies, but not in this one. Then Fox had to wrap up soon after the sequel, and lo and behold; enter Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Bringing with her the double bang of being a super-babe, as well as a VS model, could it be that Transformers was going to be even hotter than before? It might’ve been, but unfortunately, it was only hot enough to melt the screenwriters’ brains since they did such a bad job with Rosie’s character.

This entry is not written out of spite, believe me. It’s written out of pure frustration on the asinine stereotype these people presented in the movie in the form of this girl, namely one Carly Spencer.

  • Is getting whacked on the head by a big, stuffed white rabbit the best idea of being awakened? Should it matter who is actually using the rabbit as some freakish alarm clock? Sure, it happens to be a very hot lady, but still. The mind truly protests. It does not happen in real life, not the way they’ve showed it anyway. And it should not happen in movies either because it’s very, very retarded.
  • Fox’s role, Mikaela, actually had a career. Yes, she fixed cars, ran an auto-repair shop. She had a talent, she was hot but she managed to employ her time better by actually working instead of changing into mini-dresses. I keep trying to remember what it is that Carly does, but I can’t. Was she in PR? Why was she at the Whitehouse? I think she was in PR. Whatever it was, it was unduly overshadowed by everything else. Apparently, she had one rich client and she made a lot of money. But we never get to know what she’s good at doing (and I don’t only mean the hip swaying).

  • Why is it imperative that Witwicky should only have a hot girlfriend? It worked in the first installment, it managed to work in the second, but really, by the third the concept is becoming obsolete. Choose a girlfriend by her beauty and brains, or at least with half a brain. Carly has bequeathed new heights to the dumb blonde stereotype.
  • It must be said, and I’m sure everyone will agree. I miss seeing Mikaela running, like she did in the better part of Transformers 2. I missed her role, her obvious dedication to Witwicky and the overall feeling that she fit with him. Carly’s character is so… forced. She can’t run as well as Fox did of course. Maybe it was her short and tight dresses or the heels. But she couldn’t do it. No.
  • Carly also doesn’t like the Autobots. She is pretty much hostile to them. They’re ruining her attractive ways of waking up her boyfriend, it seems. Time was that Mikaela actually fixed Bumblebee’s battle scars. But now, they have to fend for themselves. Mikaela isn’t there to help them feel better and Carly sure isn’t going to get any motor-oil on her dress, no way. Bring back the bikinis people, Carly won’t be getting down and dirty with the Autobots anytime soon. And sadly, it’s taken all the fun out of the film franchise.

The Spy I Loved: Roger Moore as 007

Lusting after Bond 007 is a habit many women will raise claims to. He’s both the ‘super’ and ‘human’ in superhuman. He’s also the fellow who walks out tan and built on many a beach, in many a skinsuit, or in only very little and revealing errr… Much. He can draw a gun out of thin air, he can ‘judo’ out of every tough spot and he has the backing of the government. But no matter how tight and short Daniel Craig’s swimming shorts are, Roger Moore will always be one of my favorite Bonds. For many a reason.

  • Ditzy attractions

If you take out one ‘o’ from Moore, it makes more. Moore’s the classy, suave, playboy Bond; he’s the one who wants more than just one woman at any given time; and the one who manages to attract the bimbo-Bond-girl-types- case in point, Mary Goodnight; the ditsiest of the B. gals I have yet to see. Not only does she get to spend a night in the closet, sleeping, she also almost destroys everything in sight, including Bond, when she accidentally sets off the Solex agitator by bumping into it.

  • One liners

Moore as 007 has also always made with the wisecracks, regardless of the situation- he can never be accused of being grim, even at gunpoint. Par example:

Francisco Scaramanga: Look behind you. (Bond looks behind him and doesn’t see anything) Lower. [Nick Nack is seated behind Bond with some peanuts and a gun] James Bond: A gun and a bag of peanuts, how original! What will they think of next?

  • Chivalry

Bibi Dahl’s  (For Your Eyes Only) attempts at seduction are constantly disregarded by Bond, which is saying something. He feels as though she’s too young for him, which she is. Score for Moore! He saves her life and protects her virtue. That’s chivalry.

  • Laughing in the face of death  I guess all Bonds do that.
  • The funny one

Yes, he is the funny one. He’s displayed various instances of his strong sense of humor; when he talks to the belly dancer who tries to interfere-

Belly Dancer: Ah! I’ve lost my charm! James Bond: Not from where I’m standing.

And when he lands his plane on the highway for a gas refill- no mean feat, ask the other Bonds. Even they didn’t try this one!

  • Persistent bad-guy henchmen

Can any Bond boast of better evil henchmen than Jaws (a pair of stainless metal teeth anyone?), Nick Nack, and Tee Hee (remember the hook hand?); as well as the ladies May Day and Pan Ho? Also the most aptly named ones. The answer is no.

  • Sultriest Bond ladies

As long as we’re on the subject of names… Moore’s 007 doesn’t only have exotic names for his enemies, no sir. His ladies too have been given their due share in exotic-uh-ism. Care to hazard a guess, anyone? I thought not. Let me enlighten you.

Octopussy (ahem) in uh… Octopussy (1983)

Mary Goodnight in The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Solitaire in Live and Let Die (1973)

Andrea Anders  in the Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Yes, it’s true. He’s scored with these ladies. He had the longest run of the Bond movies and his portrayal was very close to the real Bond. He had class and optimism, he was condescending and a bit of a know-it-all. And that’s the way Bond is supposed to be, right?