Let me tell you something, my friend.
Life is so very long. You close your eyes each night, you close your eyes and you wake up to the glowing sun. In those first rays that skim your face, do you know how many years pass by? In my heart, somewhere deep inside, I see the real you. There is an aching loneliness here, there is an aching cry, which pierces me. It pierces me. Let me tell you something. I know what it feels like, when you’re broken, all cut up in neat and orderly triangles, right in the center of your soul. You struggle to make sense of things, so you put them in neat little shapes. There, everything is orderly, everything is set and you walk the straight line.
There have been those few times I’ve glimpsed something, leaving as suddenly as it came, flitting across your face like a million thoughts; confusions that you keep bottled up. I always say, our love for someone is a reflection of ourselves inside them. I always say, I couldn’t save myself, maybe I could save you, maybe I could help you. If only, if only, if only time lets me; if only life doesn’t flit past without giving me a chance. Will I ever board this train again? Will I ever see the sight of those hills, of those towers as I cross them? I told myself, this time, this time no goodbyes, this time no surrender. But lord, do I ache for myself and for what I’ve lost and did I weep for you and your sadness… All my life, I only needed one chance, I only pleaded for this one thing- belief. Believe me. Put your trust in me. Hold my hand. Because I have needed you as you need someone, but you won’t look, you won’t dare, you won’t. And my test to myself fails. My test to myself and what I feel for you is all but a fluttering goldfish in a drying pond. So help me god, I told myself over and over, so help me god, I will not give up and I did. I got pushed and I got shoved, and I stood my ground and fought my battles. Tried and tested, I have been tried and tested. If only I could wave my brush and clear away the pain from your canvas. If only I could draw you a new life in which you would be happy. If only, if only and only ifs… I have nothing to give but myself and my words and what use are words, unless you use them for burning coals and burning fire?