I feel inspired, today, this evening, I feel like life woke me anew. Just yesterday, I withered in the flames and today, I emerged anew. And I said to him, as we both laid in bed, I said to him, “Let’s count the stars.” And the sky was an open ocean atop, the sky opened above us and we lay below, staring, side by side. I said to him, “Look at that one, the one in the corner,” and he answered, “That one looks like a shooting star.” Quick, now we have to make a wish, make a wish. Make a wish, and be quick about it. Don’t fear, don’t think about it. Just wish, wish for the first thing you can think. And the sky, the sky shot it down, it glowed and glowed, like a silver orb, caught in flight, rushing down, down. And he said to me, “Just make a wish, a wish from the bottom of your heart.”
I dreamt we were at the edge of a rough blue sea. I dreamt of a storm. I dreamt of your storm when I looked in your eyes. I traveled so far, I saw your pain. I saw my pain, reflected there, and I drowned in your depths. I drowned in your depths. Through the spaces of my heart, and the races we run in our lives, I want to give you these words. I want to give you my words.
Don’t be sad, my dear.
Don’t be alone, my dear.
There is more to life, my dear.
It’s not over yet. It’s not even begun. Let’s start it together, let’s set fire to things, let’s erupt, let’s sleep no more, my love. Let’s walk, let’s run, let’s fly on the edge of our wind, let’s make it an eternity, an infinite time and space, only ours, that’s only ours. Let’s lose ourselves. What is time, what is time but a fleeting illusion? What is time when you and I can live forever? What is time when you and I can set fire to the things around us, make us breathe, make us see, make us drown in the passion, in the promise, in the everlasting? Make us bloom like the cherry trees. Make this color spread across our sky, make this color spread across, like the blue of the open ocean, like the red of the ripe, ripe berries, like the glitter of the morning dew, dew like diamonds, grass so green, birds that sing and notes that weep, weep, weep. We can sing, we can dance, we can live. Live this night, you and I, like we did, like we did. We can ache like the song of the wave when it leaves, when it moves, and it kisses and it says goodbye. The song of the wave, the song of the wave.
Will I be the boat that left this harbor? Will you be my anchor that held me true? Will I be the ship that set sail, so long ago, so long ago? Will you be my beacon, will you be my light, will you be my haven? My safe haven. What am I, and who are you? Who are we, do you want to know? Do you want to drown in the mystery, do you want to drown in our story? Do you want to set sail, set sail for that island where no one can find us? Do you want to lie on the hot sands of the secret beach, do you want to bathe, bathe with me in these pools of sacred water? Is this our oasis, is this our deliverance, tell me, tell me because I ache to know. I ache to know.
Do you want to leave, leave this world behind? Do you want to fly, fly with me, climb with me, see the world from my eyes? Do you want to leave this world behind, do you want to leave this world behind?
Then come with me. Come with me.
Just come with me.
Crash with me, let’s play like waves, let’s be the water that brings, brings life to everything. Let’s bring life, let’s walk on water, let’s turn it to wine, let’s turn it to wine. Let’s be the wings on which the birds can fly. Let’s soar like eagles, like eagles, let’s hunt in the night. Tell me, do you want to leave this world behind? Tell me, do you want to see the world from my eyes? Tell me, tell me your secrets and I’d tell you mine. I’d tell you mine.
I like to tell stories. It comes from my grandmother. She was a storyteller. When we were little, and she would tell a story, everyone would hang on her lips. If any of the adults would be walking by, they’d stop too for a moment, couldn’t help but listen. So growing up like that, I like to tell stories too. Sometimes what I tell is true, sometimes it’s completely made up. Sometimes I am so certain that as I’m weaving the words here, somewhere they are breathing life into real people and someone somewhere is living as I’m writing. I can’t be the god of a new world, I can’t be the goddess of the ages but I would love to be. I’d write them, my people, stories of love and longing. I’d write them, my people, stories of romance and high in the clouds, I’d sit and I’d watch them, I’d sit and I’d sing. Songs, songs on the wind, hopes in their hearts and dreams like a nightingale. I’d tell them this story.
I walked along the paths of this fair, not very long ago. I walked along the lanes of my memories. I walked along and I walked along and suddenly, awoken from the absence of my wandering mind, I saw your face. About to step up onto this ride, threw back your head and laughed. You stopped me in your tracks, you stopped me. I had to stand and I had to watch you for a while. Hundreds of people but my eyes alighted on you. Hundreds of sounds but my ears caught your laughter like the sound of that first wave. Flows, it comes, flows and flies back, yearning; it creates a yearning in my heart. You are not alone and so I see you, holding her hand, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear and she looks at you with love and I’m just an outsider.
You take care of her, see, how gentle you are, how careful, watching her steps, treasuring her, keeping her. She makes a joke perhaps, you smile, and you step up. The ride would leave soon, you’d sit on that chair with her, you’d touch your fingers to her face and I see on your face, the part where you feel like the ride will begin, and it’s the ride of your life. The part where your love will bloom and you’d love her for all your days to come. And it all began here, here at this fair, as I watched you. I see, perhaps, the way the time will pass. Didn’t I say this will be a story?
I see, perhaps, the way your life will unfold in front of my eyes. One day holding hands, the next, holding each other. Waking up together, in the same bed, going to sleep, in the comfort of each other, burying yourself in the familiar, burying yourself in all the things you’d do together. It makes me remember… In another life, when we flew kites together, when we ran across the green, green grass, laughing and the kites chasing us, the wind rocking us, gently, so gently. I remember it like it was yesterday, I remember it like it was my life and now I am reincarnated. You see, we were together. You see, we went up this ride together and I was afraid so you joked with me and held me close and told me nothing would happen. You see, I saw the world through your eyes. I saw the truth dawn and I saw it through you. You taught me, you loved me and we wove together like strings, red strings, of a warm, warm wool. Intertwined, together, we wove together, we knotted together the worlds, we created the spools that revolved around us, until we were in the center, right in the center and the world revolved around us. Do you remember? Do you remember?
The waves crashed and the storms broke and time thundered by. The horses rode and the sand was swept up and the water drenched us through. Do you remember the storms we faced together? Do you remember the lightning that burned marks on our hands but we didn’t let go? Do you remember, do you remember, the clouds of rain that made us wet, the clouds and mists we walked through, danced through? Do you remember?
Jerked awake. Back in my reality. Back in this world. I see you, still standing there. Ready to take that step, into the fold, into the beginning. Ready to walk inside, ready to breathe her, take her. I see you.
I see you and I have to walk on. I have to walk on. There is no place for me. There is no ride waiting, it’s already gone, flung away, in anger, in fury. Have to keep walking, walking so fast. Glancing back, yes, that’s what I do, glancing back and seeing through. I already lived, I saw you and I lived again. And now, now keep walking on…
this is for you, and to all the things we didn’t do.
this is, all of this, for you. our dance, the one in the rain, the one we didn’t do. this is, you and me, under the moonlit tree. this is, you and I, together by the fire and in the heat. this is, all of this, like the kisses and the way our lips never meet. this, all this, for you and me.
alone together and alone apart. this is, you and me.
for the songs that keep pouring, and the words that never come. for the times we lived together, in the past. for the years, I didn’t know you, for the years, too long, too far gone. this is, this is for you and me. for the way you laugh and it sets me afire, the way you laugh and it makes me ache, the way you smile and it sends me, over the edge. for the way your voice travels up and down the back of my spine, the way your voice resonates long after it’s gone. for the way your face doesn’t fade, and returns and returns, to haunt my dreams.
how does it feel, you and me, in an alternate reality? how does it feel, you and I, walking the roads, never walked by? how does it feel, you and me, in the sunlight, a better place, a home in the sky? how does it feel, just walking, just walking by?
alone together and alone apart, you and me. we say goodbye, keep saying goodbye, you and I.