Away from the Night

Auf Wiedersehen (2015)
Auf Wiedersehen (2015)

You know those special moments when you’re with your special someone, and you’re both lying on a small couch, your head resting on his chest, and talking about something funny? You both know there’s so much to do but this one lazy afternoon, you put it behind you and you just stay there, surrounded with each other, surrounded in the scent of each other. Your life then is like a static moment in a wonderland, the afternoon is glowing calm and the closeness of him is the stability and reassurance that you’re safe forever in his arms. Time freezes in such instances, you can watch them replay over and over again from the outside. But I’ll tell you when it hurts. You’re not the one in this moment, no, you never were. You never had that closeness you see in other people and the one that you ache for. Why? Because the long winding maze of life took it away, your view to trust the world, your set of eyes that looked at everything bright, like a bunch of balloons floating in the air; green, blue, pink and innocent. No, all of that just withered away. And now you’re stuck in a repeating nightmare, what you wanted, that sight on the couch, that little perfect moment, the smell of him, the touch and the laugh, the eyes, when they looked into yours, when they told you everything will be alright. No, instead what you got was a back handed slap to your dreams, to everything you cherished, it was all destroyed like a paper boat sent tumbling into the gutter, where it withers away slowly and decisively. And you think you can be with someone but how can you, when you can trust no longer, when you can see no longer when the day turns into night and night into day? The coming of the night blinds you, tears at you and shuts you down. It immobilizes you. You’re stuck in your little corner, waiting for the day to pass and the night to linger so you can breathe again. Maybe you can breathe again. Maybe you stay chilled and crumpled, trapped between the ceiling and the wooden floor, bound to terror and the repetitive visits of darkness your mind takes you wandering into. It’s like a maze that cannot be avoided and it’s like a maze that cannot be escaped. There is no way out. The visions die with the ending of the day.

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