I reach out to him but he says no, don’t touch me. I think to myself, we don’t have to spend too much time apart. I think to myself, we shouldn’t have. I’m covered in symbols, head to toe, I’m covered in symbols. Sometimes it’s a Celtic knot, sometimes it’s a forsaken stone. I say to myself, this is who I am, I say to myself, this is who we are. Surrounded by words and letters, clouds and dreams, hazy- it gets so hazy. We walk around town, we look at things, we feel together but we’re separated. I think to myself, how lost do you feel when you sleep at night? I think to myself, I’d stay there, I’d not let go. These past nights, I had all these dreams that told me strange things, and I searched for myself and I saw him. Hold my hand, baby, hold my hand, said I, in my dream. I’m asleep when I’m awake and awake when I’m sleeping, life gets pretty confusing and here I have a pair of wings, and I set off, high. I still see him but he’s a little far now. The shadows ain’t so scary baby, I say to him, the dark is pretty, I try to tell him but I fly so high. Lights glimmer out here baby, I miss you. Wish I’d told him a secret before I flew, wish I’d told him more. Then, think no more, right into the sky I fly. Soon, we’d both forget, I know.
Sunkissed, I was kissed by the sun this summer. I felt the last rays of light drown me, it was the embrace of an absent lover. I remember crying, I remember tears falling, like the rain in fall, cold and wet. I remember laughing, like the ripples in a lake, growing and growing. For the first time in a long time, I felt the force of wings that held me up and the height from which I saw the world made my eyes tear. The clouds that I used to fear, grew thinner and thinner, and the cold that kept me awake at nights, disappeared. I’d like to tell you that I loved you and a whisper in your ear, I’d like to tell you that I miss you, in a moment I no longer fear. I’d like to tell you I know you kept secrets and that I kept them too. And I’d like to tell you, I’d like to tell you, how time passed me by, so many things I didn’t say, so many things before which I fled away.
Her tan lines told me she’d traveled from a place full of summer. The glimmer of wet sand clung to her skin. She was a goddess, burnt bronze under a baking sun. Her hair was like soft straw, curving around her face. The golden gleams highlighted the freckles on her nose. I realized how much I wanted her. But now she was in a cold place – a place where people don’t open their hearts. I knew she was lonely by the way she hugged that simple potted plant close to her chest. A pot of clay, a solitary leaf and alone with nothing but her thoughts. She made quite the picture – a lost goddess, fallen from the sky. I wondered how her skin would feel if I touched her. Would it be smooth like the sand she parted with? Or would it be crude like the touch of the clay pot she clung to so tightly? Would I drown in her eyes and she in mine? Brown meets brown, a well of hidden emotions and battles fought; fought and lost and now we’re both withered flowers. Would you let me make love to you under the cold sunlight, next to the flowers waiting patiently to bloom? Let’s take some risks, let’s shake our fates, see if they mould, see if they merge. Let’s fall in love, let’s not be afraid. You, with the flower, and I, with the braid. Let’s not be afraid…
The morning light falls on my face, beams breaking their way through thin bamboo sticks. The air is heavy with the scent of a chill. Winter creeps through the daylight, winter keeps the sun hostage but today, today it comes out full even if its warmth has waned. Waking up with this realization, I know the season’s changed yet again. There’s beauty in these cold mornings, pleasure, and in this moment, there’s peace. Everything is trivial except now, the past and the future, nothing but the imagination. In this moment, I’m happy. I’m a woman in love.
I walk down the steps and I’m outside. I’m in love with the morning, and I’m in love with the Alstadt. The way the stone crumbles under my feet as I walk, the way the birds fly in a loop above my head, the way the wind whispers to me and the faded sun beckons its hello. I’m in love with the early days of winter, and I love the way the old buildings stand around me, pointing to the sky. Their windows are old and shuttered, their facade a testimony of beauty and old age. I’m in love with the old city and I’m in love with the seasons, I’m in love with the smell of fresh, warm coffee and the way it dances in the air as it tempts and it calls. I’m in love with the dance of the swans in the nearest lake, the ripple of the water and the feeling of fresh dew on my fingertips.
I walk along the winding streets, the little shops and their displays outside, the bearded and sometimes fat men who sit on a chair all day long. In our glances there’s recognition, I see them everyday and they me. Along a winding street lined with cherry blossoms now waiting patiently for next spring, there are cafes with benches sprawled side by side. A couple or two, you see there, lost in conversation, soaking the last rays of the sun because this sunlight won’t last for long. The sound of my boots echoes in the morning silence, the peace when everyone has left for work and there are just us, the ones who’ve stayed behind. It’s a beautiful day and there’s hope in everything. There’s love all around me and I’m one with it, the beauty of it is precise and simple and it brings a smile to my face. The coffee is delicious.
Little things… These are the little things, and this is my love affair, with everyday. On my walk, I remember you. The lost moments and the dreams, waking up in the morning and brewing the first pot of coffee, sprinkling it with chocolate and making those pancakes. On my walk, I remember the moments of the lost embrace, a lost touch, a love felt and a love lost. And a realization awakens, that it’s okay. For what will be dreams if they all come true and what will be love if it isn’t left unfulfilled. Little things, these are the little things and I remember, I will always remember. But this is my moment and I will shelter no pain, no. I will love the morning, and the dying sun, sit in the waves of the wind, and hear the last leaves fall. And I will wait, patiently, I will always wait for you.