Tag Archives: darkness

Into the Woods

Into the Woods (2015)

I honestly don’t know where to begin.

It was like walking a trapeze. One slip, off the edge of the bed, and everything falls. It was a performance, it was a test. It demanded my attention, demanded my time. A walk here, a footstep there, no slip-ups, no mistakes because those cost. A step into the fake life, a run into the fake world, a smile or two and everything was ashes. Ashes. The sky was dark, out in the wilds, it was full of stars. Black tights and a skirt too small, darker than black and face paler than ash. Out in the wild, out in the wild.

I knew this would happen, when the string would finally break, hanging by my fingertips and I finally let go. Falling, falling now and everything is crazy. The harsh glare from the overhead lights, the mist from the breaths, the mists over the windows that tilt and I stare out. Nothing but darkness but inside there’s light and there are sounds. A pounding and a bashing, marks and they’re slashing, like streaks of paint, like streaks of color, polluting the air. Blood pouring from the cracks, sounds weaving in the cries that round and round and round and pierce my own ears. I knew one day it would happen. I just knew it.

It was a short story. It was a story. It was nothing and there I was. Middle of the fields and nothing but falling leaves. Middle of the world and nothing to hang on to. Middle of the darkness and shining like a beacon. Not calling for help and waging this battle. Not crying, not wailing, not moaning but inside, inside I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding.

I walk on. He appears next to me. He’s tall and dark, just like I always imagined. He holds my hand and I lead him on, on into the fields. Let’s walk on, darkness is falling. It calls, it calls. Let’s walk on, I tell him, and silently, he follows me. Into the trees, let’s disappear, let’s get ourselves lost from this fear, let’s own this forest, let’s own these woods. Into the darkness, into the winter gloom, into the barren wasteland, into the dark, dark mists that surround my mind, in which I see you, in them I need you. I need you. The rain is blood. It was raining blood. His skin was pale. Not a drop touched him but over my face, the red spread, and it spread like doom, and pain, and death. Smeared all over, falling, falling, falling.

We took one step forward and a thousand steps back, a million steps and into the blackness of the end of everything, of the end of the way he held me, end of the way he kissed me, end of the way we lay together and memories glimmered, glimmered overhead, in an old film, blackened at the edges and cracks all over. Ended, it ended, while we were there, while I was there, while he was there, holding me down and I didn’t ever want to leave.

We would ask now of Death

Fransisco De Goya 'The Straw Manikin'

Death is a testament to the inevitable and the frailty of life. In silence death reaps and grows until everything is consumed by darkness. Its silent footsteps screech through the dying air like the dive of an eagle catching its prey. When I close my eyes, I see it in slow motion. Almost as if the flight is too slow. In silence death comes, in silence it takes away and it teaches. Tonight I hear the silence I have heard too many times before death. The air around me is restless in agony. A soul will depart and nature is the first to mourn its departure. The spirit of the Earth, the Earth from which we were raised is the Earth to which we will go. We will turn to dust in its depths and it will house our corpses until it is time to rise again. The dirt will shackle us until then like life shackled us until we lived. Man will always be a slave, first to life, and then to death. Birth is the first sign of death, yet how can we expect death? It will take us by surprise, always. They cling to foolish hopes, they cling to foolish prayers, uttered in the anguish of unbearable pain, in the absence of sense and wits. Which God will accept our prayers then when we never remembered Him in our lifetime? They would not believe in His Power until He took from them what they cherished most- life. Death will remind you that there is a God. Death will tell you that there is balance. Death will consume but it is softer, less cruel than birth. Death is understanding, death is acceptance, and death is absolute.