Tag Archives: inspiration

Answers in the Sky

Road Trip
Road Trip (2016)

What is about the moon that’s so comforting? We look at it and our problems don’t look so big anymore. The moon tells us we’re small, small and insignificant; we take comfort in that because there is a universe out there, bigger than this. Bigger than anything we’ve ever beheld. Millions of stars shine down on us, and here we are, tucked away in what is perhaps the safest corner in the Milky Way. Last night, he told me we’re safe here. Yet light years away from us, stars burn out, planets collapse and all light disappears into absolute nothing.

There is something about that I believe, that gives us perspective. That should give us perspective. Grief comes in waves, terrors flow back and forth in the form of nightmares; there is fire in the night. And all that disappears, as fast as the wind around me when I dance, when we speed faster and faster; time slows down. We are stuck in the dance of a century; we are trapped as the moonlight washes us in innocence, there is no pleasure but simple pleasure, there is no joy but to just be full of joy. Lights, stars, touch, dreams; so close. So look up, whenever you are feeling sad, look up, whenever you are scared, look up whenever hope leaves because surely you will see hope, surely you will see life, glittering, far far away but within grasp, it’s always within grasp. Look up, whenever you are running too fast, and the past will cease to follow, and look up; whether it’s the sun that’s shining, or the moon that’s waning, or the stars that disappear one by one before sunrise. Then you’ll know you made it through, and life is waiting, waiting for you.

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Without a Theme

Life, flashbacks, revelations. What happens next? The night is young, the days so long, and here we stand, hand in hand. What happens next? This is right before I met you, this is right before I looked into your eyes. I saw the colors of the sky, I saw them glimmer and reflect, the sky behind me, the red and the orange, the purple and the blues, mixing together, like freshly poured acrylic. Is this the world in your eyes, is this the life I see before me, playing out, in sync, in reflection, apprehension, playing out like a movie, flashbacks and fast-forwards, hand in hand, we’re hand in hand.

I asked him softly that night, “Does it get better?” He was asleep in my arms so he didn’t hear my words, but he held me closer. I thought to myself, this must be okay, this has to be okay. Does it get better? I left the past behind; it came slowly, the acceptance. I left it all behind, reveling in the freedom as I shed off the veil, as I shed off cloth after cloth after cloth. It was wonderful to bathe in the sun as if it had never shone before, all over my skin, heat crawling in my blood. Something was happening; my life was changing, it was changing. 

Now the days are passing by so fast; barely time to breathe in the air. I’m caught in a dance, the steps, they take me from stone to stone over still waters. I’m happy here, I’m home here. Laughter, joy, belonging; I’m happy here. I ask him softly every morning, “Is it a dream?” I think to myself, this must be a dream, it has to be a dream. It’s the sound of the rain calling, it’s the chill from a broken dance, but the pieces are coming back together and I’m dancing, I’m dancing, I’m dancing on the gravel, I’m dancing in the grass, I’m laughing in the sunset, I’m sleeping under the stars, dreaming under the stars. I’m dreaming under the stars. I keep dreaming under the stars. I’m painting the story of my life, I’m writing the story of his, I’m keeping him forever, in the pages, in the words, in the mind and memory. I’m keeping him forever, I’m keeping this forever, this never-ending dance, I’m keeping this forever, the everlasting dance.

Stars

Give (2015)
Give (2015)

 

I feel inspired, today, this evening, I feel like life woke me anew. Just yesterday, I withered in the flames and today, I emerged anew. And I said to him, as we both laid in bed, I said to him, “Let’s count the stars.” And the sky was an open ocean atop, the sky opened above us and we lay below, staring, side by side. I said to him, “Look at that one, the one in the corner,” and he answered, “That one looks like a shooting star.” Quick, now we have to make a wish, make a wish. Make a wish, and be quick about it. Don’t fear, don’t think about it. Just wish, wish for the first thing you can think. And the sky, the sky shot it down, it glowed and glowed, like a silver orb, caught in flight, rushing down, down. And he said to me, “Just make a wish, a wish from the bottom of your heart.”

apparitions & reflections

Apparition (2015)
Apparition (2015)

Beneath all the layers of my mind, there rests the universal question: who am I? I see countless people, every single day. I see them walking, I see them running to cross the road, I see them standing in line, waiting for the show to begin. Among all these people, I stray down a solitary path. I know who I am, and what defines me. I know, from the innermost depths of my being that I exist only to give love. In moments like these, I know my purpose, I know why I exist. Should I allow this vision of myself to be altered? Should I let it rest hidden inside the darkest closet? Or should I set it free?

They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. My life flashes before me every single day of every single week. What I did wrong, did my words make a difference, did my words hurt somebody? Someone told me once this could be a burden, this way of being is simply going to hurt too much- it cannot be sustained. I remember a long time ago, I was working with some children without any families. When you look inside the eyes of a lonely child, you see a different sort of wonder. Besides everything they have been through, they show a special resilience. There was a little boy there; he waited every day for me to come so he could play games on my phone- his eyes would go wide at the very thought of it. He worked so hard and then those last, small moments, he would save for this.

What haunts me is that millions of people live their lives without knowing the simplicity of feeling pure emotions. There are many words attached to it; naivete, in some people’s case I’ve heard stupidity. It may be purely Utopian to believe such emotions should be felt and treasured. Nevertheless, it is essential. My greatest nightmare is to walk the streets like everyone else one day, suddenly; to let my hopes die and see them scattered about me, flying away, piece by piece in the winds, until no longer seen.

Sometimes, the stories end, my words are cut short. Sometimes, there is too much to be said. Sometimes, everything is contained within a single jar of glass, keeping everything, showing everything. Some memories; lying free over the grass, watching the sun set; some memories, walking down the tracks, waiting to meet somebody after a long time; some memories, sheltering underneath a ledge to hide from the rain; some memories, grieving, grieving deeply for the time wasted, the time lost, the time spent shouting… some memories; quick and flashy, some long and bitter, some full of passion and struggle. Some memories, waking early to see someone lying next to you…

Life is short, too short for anything but living it with a passion incomparable; head on, jumping in, taking it, grasping what is yours, and then holding it steady, then taming it, breathing it, joining it and then…

Then letting it live inside you.

We are made of starstuff

It’s one of my favorite lines from Carl Sagan’s Cosmos,

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”

I designed some self-prints and tried to give them a cosmic, meditative feel. I backed the frames with a sky blue painted wood texture (I also added barely-there embossed wood carvings to the texture).

Starstuff
Starstuff, 2014

There’s quite a list of credits;

I used the Six Revisions Wood Carvings Brush Pack for the wood emboss, followed by Webtreats’ Tileable Dark Wood Texture Pack; I use this quite often, it’s one of my favorite texture packs.

For the frames, I used mock-ups designed by Tim Easely, which I downloaded from Behance, using this link. 

For the cosmic layover effects on the photos, I used the patterns from Webtreats, another one of my favorites- the Classic Nebula Space Patterns.

I took the photographs myself, using a (cheap) tripod and a Canon EOS 600D.