Tag Archives: sadness

My Sleepy World

No Second Chances (2015)
Clowns (2015)
Little girl don't cry
Don't cry, for someone
Will come to save you.
Little girl, don't cry
Don't cry, for one day
You won't bleed no more.
Little girl don't be shy
Don't be shy, because outside
Are many things, many things
That shine.
Little girl you better stop
Stop this trembling, stop
This shaking and this sighing
For outside, outside are many things
Many truths and many lies.
Little girl don't cry
Because the promise that he made
He made, was never a lie
He stayed as long as you tried. 
But night comes, it comes
So don't cry, for one day
It will all fade away
It will all fade away.

 

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Away from the Night

Auf Wiedersehen (2015)
Auf Wiedersehen (2015)

You know those special moments when you’re with your special someone, and you’re both lying on a small couch, your head resting on his chest, and talking about something funny? You both know there’s so much to do but this one lazy afternoon, you put it behind you and you just stay there, surrounded with each other, surrounded in the scent of each other. Your life then is like a static moment in a wonderland, the afternoon is glowing calm and the closeness of him is the stability and reassurance that you’re safe forever in his arms. Time freezes in such instances, you can watch them replay over and over again from the outside. But I’ll tell you when it hurts. You’re not the one in this moment, no, you never were. You never had that closeness you see in other people and the one that you ache for. Why? Because the long winding maze of life took it away, your view to trust the world, your set of eyes that looked at everything bright, like a bunch of balloons floating in the air; green, blue, pink and innocent. No, all of that just withered away. And now you’re stuck in a repeating nightmare, what you wanted, that sight on the couch, that little perfect moment, the smell of him, the touch and the laugh, the eyes, when they looked into yours, when they told you everything will be alright. No, instead what you got was a back handed slap to your dreams, to everything you cherished, it was all destroyed like a paper boat sent tumbling into the gutter, where it withers away slowly and decisively. And you think you can be with someone but how can you, when you can trust no longer, when you can see no longer when the day turns into night and night into day? The coming of the night blinds you, tears at you and shuts you down. It immobilizes you. You’re stuck in your little corner, waiting for the day to pass and the night to linger so you can breathe again. Maybe you can breathe again. Maybe you stay chilled and crumpled, trapped between the ceiling and the wooden floor, bound to terror and the repetitive visits of darkness your mind takes you wandering into. It’s like a maze that cannot be avoided and it’s like a maze that cannot be escaped. There is no way out. The visions die with the ending of the day.

Flight of the Gypsy

Autumn (2015)
Autumn (2015)

I am falling in love with you.

I am afraid, and ultimately I realize why. Because I fell in love with you as the night passed by. Because I saw the grief you hold inside. You told me not to say a word, you told me to keep my silence. And I was afraid so I didn’t speak, I was afraid so I turned away. I don’t have an explanation, I have nothing to say. I don’t have the answers and I can’t solve this riddle. I spoke words of love to other people before you and my storms were not any less in their intensity. I sang to other people before you and my voice may still haunt them, and this I won’t hide from you. I loved before you and I will love after you. But I am, in the end, still at the beginning of my journey and what I wouldn’t give to walk it with you, what I wouldn’t give to wake up with you.

But life has taught me that spring is not eternal. Life has taught me, if nothing more, that summer showers seldom last. Life has taught me, clouds turn to wisps and eventually disappear. Life has taught me, life has taught me, there is hopelessness in our hearts and there is an end to every beginning and the honey from the beehive, the water from the streams and the life from the flowers eventually dries out. Barely scratching the surface of our infinite passions and promises, which in the moment are heated like ore from the core of this earth and only tomorrow, wither away like the blind flight of a gypsy moth.

Gone are the dreams of the girl who was barely awake when life took her in its grasp and shed her down, sped her down, wore her out. Gone are the notes on which her hopes rose next to the music that dawned with every new day. Gone is the laughter that traveled far on the wind, that embraced and swallowed and allowed and let her become. Gone, gone are the sounds, the bloom, the water falling on scattered rocks and breaking into a million gems before accepting that brittle and broke, there is nothing more.

One last time, I saw you, one last time and then I turned and I walked away, and you walked away, and all I saw was your silhouette, the back of your head, your long stride, your wonder and your sadness, all I saw was you walking away from me.